waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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