I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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