Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
