I hate all girls vehemently.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
