I am puke
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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