i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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