How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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