I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
