Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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