I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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