I hope mine doesn't look like that
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
