Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
