If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
