Four minutes until I can fart!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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