the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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