as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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