and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
