Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
