I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
