UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
