Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
it glows. i had to have it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
