she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
