How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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