I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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