My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
