I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
