you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
