He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Drunk is not a location!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
