So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
