How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
