That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
