I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
