I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
