Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I want a musical about memes.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
