even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
