So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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