whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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