There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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