Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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