haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Michael Bay diarrhea
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
