Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
