Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
