You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
