Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
