Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
