You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
