she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
