This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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