I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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