people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Your cock deserves a montage
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
